Eating Out at Restaurants in Eating Disorder Recovery

“Let’s go out to eat!” For most people, hearing this phrase is exciting and fun. Going out to eat means trying new foods, getting to eat in a new environment, and maybe taking a much-needed break from cooking at home. But for those in recovery from an eating disorder, the phrase can cause significant anxiety, fear, and distress. However, learning to eat out is an important part of the recovery process and a necessary skill to learn in recovery.

Many of us have had an extended break from eating out at restaurants over the last year or so with most restaurants being closed or take-out only during the COVID-19 pandemic. With the world starting to open up again and people going out and about more, it’s a really good time to start building up skills for eating out. Though it may be tempting to avoid eating out and the experience can feel triggering, learning to dine out gives you much more flexibility and variety and is an unavoidable part of normal eating. Here are a few tips to help you prepare for restaurant exposures in eating disorder recovery:

Plan ahead

Look up the menu before you go to the restaurant and decide what you’ll order before you arrive.* If you are following a meal plan from your dietitian, you can make sure your choice meets your meal plan ahead of time. It can also be helpful to discuss with your support person any potential triggers or eating disorder urges that may occur during the meal and the skills you’ll use to cope with them. You can also plan the person you’ll sit next to who can help support you if triggers or difficult emotions come up.

*If the menu lists the calories or nutrition facts for the items, or the menu is really lengthy, it can feel overwhelming or triggering to make a choice. If that is the case, tell your support person a couple of options of what you might like to eat (for example, if going out to an Italian restaurant, letting them know you’re in the mood for something with red sauce, or ravioli or pizza) and let them select for you. The same thing applies if you get to the restaurant and notice the calories are on the menu. Set it aside and ask for help choosing.

Dine with your support system

It can feel challenging enough to eat out at a restaurant, and many who struggle with eating disorders also feel uncomfortable eating in front of others. Surrounding yourself with supportive and caring people who you trust can help create a safer space at the table. Family and friends can help with ordering, challenging fear foods, and providing distraction during the meal.

Keep conversation light

Avoid talking about issues, important deadlines, or anything stressful. Eating out can be stressful enough, and mealtime conversation should serve as an enjoyable distraction from the eating experience. Any topics related to discussion of calories, portions, nutrition facts, or ingredients should also be avoided. Stick to lighthearted topics like TV shows or movies, the weather, fun vacations, music, or hobbies. Or play table games like the ABC game: have someone pick a category such as “animals” and take turns going around the table naming an animal that starts with each letter of the alphabet (anteater, bird, cat, etc.).

Be gentle with yourself

Getting comfortable with eating out at restaurants in eating disorder recovery takes practice. It’s normal to feel anxious or fearful about the unknowns of eating out. Have some self-care planned for after you go out to eat- watch your favorite TV show or movie, journal about the experience, take a warm bath, or talk to your support person. It’s ok if It feels really difficult and tiring. Know that by challenging yourself, you’re taking a big step forward in your recovery.

Lastly, you don’t have to choose the most difficult restaurant at first. Just like with challenging fear foods, choose a place that feels challenging but doable and work your way up to the restaurants that feel really difficult. Each time you have a successful dining out experience, you’re building up the skills and confidence in yourself for next time.